Ok so the reason I am writing all this down is because I feel like Im the crazy one. I feel like he says his version and its foreign when I have a different version so I really do feel like Im going crazy, so in order to test my theory, Im writing down daily events so I have a memory. Becasue at close to 40 I feel like I cant rememeber shit. This is not to say who did what and how many times but more just to see if Im being blamed for things that were thought to have happened instead of really happened, if that makes sense.
The day was like any other Sunday. Its not my day to sleep in but when the kids came in at 1015am I wondered why I did sleep in and why he didnt get up. My first thought was gym at 1130 and somehow its my fault that I didnt get up with the kids. I also thought he will take a nap and Ill be with the kids all day.
After the gym I took the kids to Mcdonalds for lunch, then party city, the mall and by the time we got home it was 430. He was upstairs asleep or watching football. I knew it but we really had just gotten home so the kids went out to play for awhile.
He yelled at Emily to pick up her trash in the yard and as Im trying to tell him, while he is still yelling, that it could be another kids I go and find out it is ours. Fine but what is getting to me, and I mean digging into my soul, is the fact that he YELLS at them all THE FUCKING TIME. From the moment they get up, its either yelling at them or not talking to them. I find myself mad at him for doing that and then I start yelling at them. I cant tell him to stop but I did mention that it is all he does is yell but Im not sure he heard me.
I then cooked them dinner and gave them a bath and put them to bed. This is the usual routine. I do it most of the time, not to say he doesnt but ok he doesnt most of the time. While they were eating I got the snacks together for school lunches so there is less for him to do in the morning.
I am truely at a loss. Im tired of tiptoeing around and not saying how I feel. I dont want to be responsible for his depression. There is always something wrong, but when I have issues WHO CARES!
Tomorrow I have school until 10pm. He is responsible for dinner, bed and bath.
